Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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