We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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