omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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