This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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