You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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