I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
