Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's never too late to be topless.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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