I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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