I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize