We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
