i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
