Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
last night I used snow as a chaser
there is glitter all over my balls
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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