Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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