so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this boner is exhausting
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
