dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
