Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize