my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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