mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
