they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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