foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
