Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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