Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
