dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize