So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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