I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
