Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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