i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
