ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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