why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize