East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
