just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
