i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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