Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
