They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
