Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
