If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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