I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
