As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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