is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize