you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
