I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
