I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize