you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
