i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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