Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So much Jack, so little girl.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
