Who did Billy Mays play for?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
