And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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