Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
