I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
