Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
