Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't think brook has ever known best
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
