I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
