dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
