3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize