hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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