i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
