Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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