I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
