I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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