omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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