I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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