Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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