I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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