so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
