i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
