She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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