i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
