hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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