He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He shit in the fireplace
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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