You can't special order awesome
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
