5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
