Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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