Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
