yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
