and i looked up. we had an audience...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
