If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i drank out of a bidet.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
