Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
