I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
