My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
