she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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