I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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