I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
