I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
