Don't you send me to vm
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
