it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
