Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we're making bets on your personal life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
As shirtless as possible
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
